March 7, 2025

  • Kool-Aid, the cure for existential dread.

    I found a half-bag stash of regular sugar above stove top. It should have been in the pantry or freezer, which is why I thought I was out.

    In celebration, I broke out my Yeti pitcher Christmas present. I was uncertain if it was the correct capacity to make a full packet of Kool-Aid. Last time I tried to verify, the lighting was too dim for me to read the tiny print on the bottom indicating fluid capacity. This time I was able to decipher that wonderfully perfect All-American amount of 64 oz. 64 oz is a 7-11 Double Big Gulp of my youth. Ah, the memories of picking up a Peach and Dew or Punch and Dew en route to High School. It was a good omen if Beast could shoot the loop on the way.

    But now, I needed to confer with my Kool-Aid packaging. Nothing on the back except "large plastic or glass pitcher" was advised by the instructions. All this writing crammed onto this tiny rectangle of packaging. I mean, who the fuck needs to be informed that Kool-Aid powder is "Gluten Free"? Idiots, that's who. But where or where can I find a hint of optimum water measure? Ah, right down there at the bottom corner of the front: 2 qts. I am not going to lie, I withheld my percolating enthusiasm, until I double-checked the equality of those measures. America! Fuck ya! Well almost. The Yeti pitcher was designed in Texas, but made in China. At least I avoided an import tariff.

    P.S. Powdered sugar isn't optimal for use in Kool-Aid. But hell if I didn't want to make some frosting while I was looking at it.

    P.P.S. I don't have existential dread.